Growing up I always wanted to be a wife and a mother. I was blessed with a fabulous mom who showed me how to be towards your kids and how to always treat your husband like a blessing from God. She is loving towards him and honors him constantly. My parents have chosen to love each other for the rest of their lives, no matter what. There are moments, even after 25 years of marriage, that I still see their eyes sparkle when looking at each other. My father has shown me a great example of what a man should be. When we need help with something he is willing to assist. Our cars are always taken care of. (That is a big thing with my dad.) He works hard and brings all of the girls in our home flowers sometimes.

My dad wouldn’t always open the pickle jar

My dad says the men should take care of the women. Which brought me confusion when he sometimes wouldn’t help me. You read that right. Sometimes he did not help me. Even though I know my dad can help me with anything I need, he never fully let me rely on that. Every time I asked him to open a jar he would always make me try to open it first. We would stand in the kitchen while he would tell me to keep trying and to put in all of my effort. He was teaching me how to take care of myself.

I never understood why he has always taught me this. I always expected a knight in shining armor to come to my rescue and save the day. Every girl seems to have this scenario imagined up in her head. That is why there are so many movies about how the guy does an extravagant gesture to show the girl that she is something to be treasured. I now understand why my dad taught me so much. In learning how to take care of myself I have come to see myself as a treasure first. I do not need to rely on a guy to fill in my questions about who I am. I know I am special and precious. This is not because I can do certain tasks. My identity is not in the fact that I know how to take care of myself. It is in the fact that I know I am worth taking care of. 

The value of independence

My found independence was never something I wanted to pursue. Even calling it “independence” makes me cringe. Let me explain. About a year ago my dad took me outside and showed me how to change my oil. That was a big moment for me. I wanted a guy to always help me with this. In fact, I told someone specifically “I do not want to learn how to change my oil, because I want to have to rely on a guy for it.” This mindset had to change.

I thought that if I were too independent, then I would become less desirable. Or worse, I would find a man who shadowed behind me. I wanted to be able to walk into a room with my husband one day and people say “That’s him” or “That’s them” not “That’s her.” For a long time I would diminish my talents and try to shut down my loud personality. A problem arose when I realized that my fight against independence was getting in the way of everything God created me to do. Learning how to change my oil was a way that I could surrender another aspect of my life to God. Up until that point I was working hard at being average. Instead of doing my best, I was purposely being okay.

Things have changed. I want to be great, not just the simple wife of someone great. With or without a man, I have decided to do my very best. I will work hard and step up to take care of my responsibilities. When a task is placed before me I will take initiative to complete it. I still respect men and want/expect them to assist and lead me. The difference now is that I don’t NEED them to do everything. I can be more of a helping asset, not an extra responsibility.

Do not let anything stop you from being great. There are many insecurities that can come in. Mine was the thought of being too much. Work through those things. Step up and be an amazing woman. Encourage our men to be incredible men. Our life is not about us or about finding our sole mate. Our life is about God. Keep your focus on Him and do whatever He wants you to do. Even if that means learning to change your own oil.